Tag Archives: death

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Smart, fun, generous…and difficult—my mom died a year ago today

How God is way ahead of us and with us in the Valley of the Shadow

It’s been a year since I’ve regularly posted here. After Mom’s death I needed time to process. Grieve. Reflect. Rest. I didn’t intend to pull back this long. One thing that has drawn me back: I’ve wanted to tell the story of how amazingly God provided for us during her final three years fraught with vascular dementia.

I’ve also wanted to encourage others on an all-too-common yet nearly impossible journey. Nothing really prepares you for the unimaginable twists and turns of caring for someone who has always been so sharp and fiercely independent, who begins to need help doing her laundry, and even taking her medicines. Especially when they insist on remaining a thousand miles away.

Just when you’ve figured out how to respond to hallucinations or accusations of stealing, another unthinkable challenge comes up. But let me tell you how God shepherded us through the Valley of the Shadow…

The last 20 months have been a tale of two cities for us—”the best of times and the worst of times.”

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Another Dad is Gone. Giving thanks in sorrow.

Jim wout glassesMy Dad died in June. Jack’s Dad died last Tuesday. Monday evening we receive a call: He’s been feeling bad for three days and finally consented to go to the hospital. Monday night we receive another call: He’s in ICU. At 4:30 am we receive another call: He’s gone. Just like that. Irrevocably. Permanently.

We will fly to Dallas for the funeral. We will walk in the door, but there will be no hearty hello hug. No booming voice asking, “What’s up, hoss?” No great presence filling the room, enthroned in his recliner, a book in his hands and one eye on the TV. No one will want to sit in that empty chair.

Jack’s Dad was a fair minded, honest, no nonsense type of man. We will always remember him for his many Dadisms, such as, “You are the only one who can ruin your day.” You can read his obituary and see the visitation slide show here.

As Jack and I processed the news on that still-dark Tuesday morning we were overwhelmed with gratitude. God had given us a priceless gift: time together. Although we lived 1,800 miles away, we had spent the previous Tuesday with his folks. And the Wednesday before that.

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The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel: Boomers Take On Aging and Death

(“Best of” blog, review of the original Marigold movie, reposted as the sequel, The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel releases)

best exotic marigold hotel“What will you do in the end?” asks the prophet Jeremiah. Sonny, a young Indian entrepeneur has an answer: “Outsource aging to India!” Where they respect their elders and where, instead of a tiny beige flat, your thirty-year civil service pension can afford life in his luxurious hotel.

In this movie seven retirees and widows with different baggage and longings accept the offer and fly off to spend their golden years in India.

OK, so it turns out to be a run-down, covered-in-dust and peeling-paint hotel. Photoshopping your brochure works better for Sonny than his guests.

A fine cast, including Judy Dench, Bill Nighly, Tim Hathaway, and Maggie Smith and Penelope Wilton from Downton Abbey, shows us what happens to those who choose to work, love and overcome the losses of relocation and aging and those who choose to stay inside and read a book. What will YOU do in the end? Marigold explores several options. (Spoiler Alert)

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When Pain Is Too Much to Bear, How Can We Find Relief?

(“Best of” blog)

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There’s “sad,” and then there are those times when sorrow seeps down into your soul and collects there into an aching pool of grief. You sleep. You wake up. And for a minute it’s better. Then the drip… drip of pain begins again. After thirty-two years with rheumatoid arthritis I would rather spend a day in significant physical pain than a day in significant emotional pain, although sometimes the two are inextricably linked. When we find ourselves in that kind of pain, how might we find relief?